Saturday, September 18, 2010

The art of pregnant shaving and other fun topics

A few months ago when I decided to start this blog and speak freely about the discomforts and unmentionables of pregnancy I didn’t take into account some of the topics I would feel the need to discuss.  There are several things I’ve been holding back talking about simply because I’m embarrassed.  It takes a lot to make me blush and the simple fact that my mom among others read this blog, I have refrained from discussing several pressing matters.  However, I’ve never been one to really hold back and today I’ve decided to go ahead and put it all out there.  I hope some of you can relate and will be brave enough to let me know your own experiences. 
 First off, let me say that I’ve done a lot of negative talking about being pregnant…the horrors of incontinence, hemorrhoids, etc.  I do have to mention that for the most part, pregnancy is awesome.  I have truly enjoyed most all aspects of my body being invaded by the little aliens.  It’s been super great to eat just about whatever I want and have zero guilt.  So what if I downed a half gallon of Mayfield Birthday Cake Ice Cream in one week, the babies obviously need the milk fat for their brains.  There is no need to ever suck in my gut at all, in fact, the farther out it sticks, the better.  I’m definitely in the honeymoon phase being 22 weeks.  I actually look pregnant instead of just fluffy or chub like the first 4 months.  I’ve also noticed that people are way nicer to me and go out of their way to open doors and be polite to me.  It’s nice to get all of this positive attention and I don’t want to secretly mass murder most of the population like I did in the first trimester.  Best of all, I can feel them moving around now and that is quite possibly the coolest thing I’ve ever experienced.
Of course, there are still some surprising and weird things happening that I feel the need to discuss.  I’m told that once this is over and slews of folks all over middle Tennessee get an up close and personal look at my lady parts and everything that will be pouring out of that region, all modesty will be long gone.  I’m going to try to embrace that mentality now as I openly discuss this month’s conundrums. 
I am finding that at 22 weeks pregnant I can no longer see my lady parts at all nor can I contort myself to see it, therefore making it difficult/impossible to shave “down there”.  Now, my husband can tell you that I do all sorts of things that gross him out like swig directly from the Scope bottle and go days without showering on occasion.  However, a hairy lady beave is not my thing at all.  I am slightly obsessed with not going full on 70s porn.  As I mentioned in an earlier post, being knocked up generally makes your hair thicker and grow in lots of new places (I’ve never really had any arm hair until now).  The private region is no exception and I am now in a serious dilemma as there are really only a few options to go with here;
1.     Go au’natural and just let the nappy jungle take over.  This is not really an option for me as I’ve never been able to let it get that way and honestly it gets itchy and just plain grosses me out and makes me feel dirty. 
2.     Let the husband shave it up for me.  This is something I’ve considered and he has said he would do, although I get the feeling he’s a little skeeved out by it, and quite frankly, the thought of anyone other than myself going “in there” with a razor is too scary for me to consider at this point although it’s not out of the question later on depending on how desperate I get.
3.     Get a Brazilian bikini wax.  I’ve done this once in my life.  HOLY SHIT.  I’ll leave it at that.  I truly don’t understand women who do this on the regular.  I mean, I really just can’t comprehend it.  If labor hurts worse than that, then I am glad I’m most likely skipping out on that with a scheduled c-section as well.  Obviously this is not an option as I will NEVER do this again.  Not to mention the one time I did undergo this Chinese torture hellacious medieval bat shit crazy procedure, I came home to show off the goods to my boyfriend (now husband), and his response was, “Eww”.  To be fair, the little lady was still pretty angry about what I put her through.
4.     Do it myself by “feel”.  This is the option I am going with for the time being.  After all, I guess this is what blind girls have to do, so surely it’s a pretty common thing.  So far, I haven’t done a great job, but it’s working out alright for right now.  It is certainly awkward and the potential for cuts or nicks with the razor are definitely a concern, but this is the only thing I can think to do right now.  I’m hoping I’ll still be able to do this because I’m fairly confident that I won’t be able to tie my own shoes in a matter of a few weeks.

The next topic on the agenda is sex.  I never really thought about couples who are expecting and how that would affect their sex life.  But really, of course it has to have an effect on anyone’s sexual relationship.  The only thing I ever read or heard about this before hand was how pregnant women are overtaken with the urge to ravish their husbands nightly, something about all the hormones turning us into sex craved maniacs.  I can’t speak for anyone else, but feeling and actually looking like a giant hippopotamus hasn’t really made me feel like a sex kitten.  In fact it’s become downright awkward these days.  Obviously the days of us staring lovingly into one another’s eyes is long gone.  As big as I am now, we have had to get creative and it has been an adventure.  Anyone who has been married or in a long term relationship for longer than 5 minutes quickly realizes that no sex equals no good.  I can tell you from personal experience as well as girl talk with my friends, that going without it for longer than a week or so is a surefire way  to lose your connection as a couple.  I truly believe sex is so important and without it you basically have a roommate who gets on your nerves.  So, all that to say, it is a constant changing landscape as I grow more and more zoo animal like.  I have to wonder what other couples have done about this since no one really talks about pregnant sex.  I guess I’ll be the first to broach the subject. 
So, please feel free to leave a comment or email me with your own thoughts on these matters as I must say I am fascinated that I never even thought about the day I couldn’t shave my own lady parts or I would have to get my freakiness back just to make love to my husband. 

1 comment:

  1. I found a link to your blog on your BBC siggy! I love it, you are hilarious! Anyway, as far as shaving goes, try the Norelco Bodygroom. I bought mine an Amazon and I LOVE it! Definitely read the'll get a kick out of the first one.